Why infertile women can’t get over themselves….still.

Its been a busy last month.  I’ve had hardly 3 days in a row in our home over the last month where we have been home or without visitors.  I’ve been more than happy to accommodate guests and to take trips ourselves, but the reality is that in our cozy bungalow that means that any alone/computer/writing time has been non-existent.  So while I haven’t been posting anything during this past link-up to during Infertility Awareness Week, I have been trying to follow along in my thoughts and prayers. 

You just don’t forget about weeks like this. Even with a kid who just turned two.

My most viewed post, by far, has been when I wrote on Why infertile women can’t get over themselves.


It has also been the post that I’ve had to delete the most comments on over the past few years.  I’ve gotten such vicious, hateful comments on this piece that I had to break my vow to publish whatever comments people decided to take the time to share with me.

I’m not sure why I share that piece of information, other than it points to the fact that, no matter how much we tire of this subject or just wish it and all the horrible feelings associated with it would just go away, reflections and thoughts on it must still be shared.

Many people clearly still think that sharing about why you feel such a grief over something is a narcissistic and inappropriate.  Or that trying to unpack the complicated emotions surrounding a topic such as the inability to conceive and bare a child makes you selfish or just focusing on the negative. 

I just don’t understand that. Talking and writing about things are how we heal and move forward.

If we can’t talk about something like this and ever be allowed to process our grief, in a healthy manner, we are surely destined for a life of bitterness.

So I’m glad there’s been a week of articles and thoughts on infertility, especially from the Catholic perspective since there are layers of grief and complication present that may not be present otherwise.  And I’m even more thankful for the women who have helped open up this conversation on their own blogs, even though they haven’t experienced it themselves. 

For more information, please go read the links here.

St. Gianna, pray for us!

9 thoughts on “Why infertile women can’t get over themselves….still.

  1. Alison- I just reread the post that you quoted in your original post and I had to kind of chuckle two crazy kids later – who, I might add took almost an hour to go down for their naps- ugghhh! and I had completely forgotten what I wrote. Thank you for the reminder :). Maybe someday I will come back to blogging and I will write a post about the utter abandonment to God’s will going through two plus years of my husband’s unemployment. Can’t believe your little one is two already. My guy is 2 1/2 and my little gal is 14 months. They keep me running with not a lot of time to reflect.

  2. Thank you for this post as well as the original one. I read both for the first time tonight. I was one of those “crazy” IF women and I totally related to everything you said about grieving and hoping month after month on a neverending loop. It sucks, and then you have to decide you are done and somehow walk away from the whole trying-to-conceive roller coaster while still being reminded monthly that you are not pregnant (again). I read every single reply from your original post, and the one that really broke my heart was from Joe about a year ago who talked about leaving his wife. If my husband had left me to find a “fertile” wife in the midst of our infertility, I might not have survived. I pray that he chose to stay with his wife on whatever path God was leading them on. Our path led to adoption of two amazing babies who are now 10 and 8. The path also led us to a stronger faith in God and a stronger marriage. Thank you again for your eloquent posts. I am sure they have helped every IF woman who has read them.

  3. Thanks for linking the original post! I went back and read it and it was true then and true now. I read the comments too and I hope those women who see infertile women as “crazy” have educated themselves about what infertility is and have had a change of heart.

  4. Just read that original post for the first time. It was beautifully said. Of course, what the commenters reveal is simple – if you want to suffer with someone, to love them, to care for them, then the opportunity to understand their sorrow is a gift. If you have no love for anyone who is suffering, then the explanation isn’t going to get you very far, now is it?

    Happy Easter!

    • Exactly. It makes me wonder what has gone on in their lives that there is so much anger towards their infertile friends and family. It seemed to fall on deaf ears. Oh well.

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