An important addendum: To all the moms out there!

I think this is the last post on this topic of relating to the woman still struggling with infertility that I’ll post.  The original few were here, here, and here

This is a small point, but one so important that I wanted to make it its own post.  I have written about what its like relating to women who still struggle with infertility as someone who struggles with sub-fertility but since conceived.  That’s because, well, that’s the perspective I have.  I’ll never have the one of someone who has not struggled with fertility issues and has tried to bridge friendships that this issue comes up in.  And its to those women that I want to address, just for a second.

While there was something extremely intimate in the building of a friendship of someone who equally struggled with fertility, there was something especially comforting when someone who didn’t struggle would reach out and mention that they were thinking about me or praying for me.  It was in pondering this thought that I realized I really needed to get these thoughts and fears of being so hopeless to the infertile now that II have a child out and in print, just so I could give them less power.

I can almost remember all of those comments by name. Those people that took the time and moment to stop and say, they were praying for me.  And if I didn’t before, thank you.  I’m sorry if in my pain I didn’t thank you earlier.

Having someone take the time to write a comment on my blog or send me an email or mention something in person, like ask how I was doing, was just so, so important to me, perhaps even more so because they never struggled.  It was hard to express this at the time, but looking back those little moments of experiencing true compassion from friends and strangers were such bright spots in the darkness.  So I just wanted to send out a little encouragement to everyone to not be afraid to say something to a friend who you know may be struggling.  Write them a little note, or leave a little comment on their blog.  Just because you don’t know what they are going through doesn’t mean your thoughts won’t be appreciated. 

I can relate to that fear of putting yourself out there and reaching out, I’ve been frozen into inaction trying to figure out the right thing to do.  There is a lot of strength in knowing that doing what you can from where you’re at really can make a difference.  A little bit is still more than nothing.


2 thoughts on “An important addendum: To all the moms out there!

  1. I agree 100%! Having a friend who has never struggled with infertility say she’s praying for me, or write me a kind email, or whatever, means so much. It makes me feel less alone, less left out. You put it very well here =)

  2. Thank you for this post. Sometimes I struggle with whether i should or shouldn’t reach out and say, “Hi. Thinking of you, friend.” It seems so strange…but as a woman who did not struggle with infertility, I often have a nagging thought, “Oh, she doesn’t need/want to hear from you — you only remind her of what she doesn’t have…” But, I have tried to overcome the negative talk in my brain and realize that we all have our struggles and this one is particularly painful for some friends of mine. it’s good to know that the negative thoughts are really unwarranted and I should not be afraid.

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