Exactly one year ago I was waking up from surgery crying when I heard them say endometriosis in the recovery room. I was still hoping that maybe nothing was wrong. I wish I could lie and say I handled it well and had peace in the room and yada yada yada but I didn’t. I went in afraid and I woke up afraid. What was I doing, all the way in Omaha to get surgery by this doctor that seemed unimpressed by our case? I had to continuously remind myself that I wasn’t crazy, that this was the next step, that this is what we had prepared for and was what we said we’d do the previous May when I started learning Creighton. I knit socks to mark the journey.
Now here I am a year later. With my Samuel in my arms and a linea negra on my stomach that for the time being overshadows the scars from last year and I am continuously reminded why I am so glad we took those steps last year, as scary as it was. Because not knowing was scarier. I didn’t know it would help, I didn’t know it would do anything other than put me at peace that we had “done what we could.”
I just wanted to mark this day…it was such a big deal for me last year. This year is obviously much different, but its been a “big” day nonetheless…Samuel got his first bottle from Mike. It was sad for me but I’m proud I didn’t cry. It was recommended to us that if we eventually plan on giving him a bottle then its best to introduce it between 4-6 weeks, and he was 5 weeks yesterday. He took it like a champ so well that it made me almost feel a little outdated. But I came home and cuddled and nursed him again so he wouldn’t forget me that quickly :)
Luckily he didn’t. And he may have given us his first smiles. Its hard to tell since they are so fleeting but I think they are coming soon and I am so. excited.
**edited to add, I just looked at my blog for the first time in a while and it seems messed up to me but I’m too tired to try to fix it right now. Is it messed up to anyone else? Thanks!**