What a difference a year makes

Exactly one year ago I was waking up from surgery crying when I heard them say endometriosis in the recovery room.  I was still hoping that maybe nothing was wrong.  I wish I could lie and say I handled it well and had peace in the room and yada yada yada but I didn’t.  I went in afraid and I woke up afraid.  What was I doing, all the way in Omaha to get surgery by this doctor that seemed unimpressed by our case?  I had to continuously remind myself that I wasn’t crazy, that this was the next step, that this is what we had prepared for and was what we said we’d do the previous May when I started learning Creighton.  I knit socks to mark the journey.

Now here I am a year later.  With my Samuel in my arms and a linea negra on my stomach that for the time being overshadows the scars from last year and I am continuously reminded why I am so glad we took those steps last year, as scary as it was.  Because not knowing was scarier.  I didn’t know it would help, I didn’t know it would do anything other than put me at peace that we had “done what we could.”

I just wanted to mark this day…it was such a big deal for me last year.  This year is obviously much different, but its been a “big” day nonetheless…Samuel got his first bottle from Mike.  It was sad for me but I’m proud I didn’t cry.  It was recommended to us that if we eventually plan on giving him a bottle then its best to introduce it between 4-6 weeks, and he was 5 weeks yesterday.  He took it like a champ so well that it made me almost feel a little outdated.  But I came home and cuddled and nursed him again so he wouldn’t forget me that quickly :)

Luckily he didn’t.  And he may have given us his first smiles.  Its hard to tell since they are so fleeting but I think they are coming soon and I am so. excited.


**edited to add, I just looked at my blog for the first time in a while and it seems messed up to me but I’m too tired to try to fix it right now.  Is it messed up to anyone else?  Thanks!**

4 thoughts on “What a difference a year makes

  1. Incredible what can happen in a year, eh?

    I cried when Lydia first started eating solids. It’s emotional when your child, who’s been getting all his/her sustenance from your body since conception, starts to get it from somewhere else.

    So glad to hear things are going so well!

  2. LOVE the first smiles. It melts your heart!
    I’m glad your surgery made such a difference! A year ago til now … amazing results! :-)
    (Your blog looks ok to me!)

  3. Glad you’re feeling okay! Samuel looks amazing and you must be doing a wonderful job.

    The blog is a bit … out of sorts. The blog posts are showing up in your right hand column? And gray boxes under pictures are wierd shapes? No idea what’s done all that. But definitely not something you should trouble yourself with at present! :) Take care.

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