I keep starting posts and stopping them when the words don’t come out right. There don’t seem to be the right words to be able to express what I’m feeling. There is now this entirely separate person here and I’m responsible for their every care.
Its unbelievable and humbling. Its more work than I ever thought I’d be able to joyfully do in a single day, compounded every day for the foreseeable future. I’ve cried less than I thought I would and I’m amazed my postpartum hormones are so level and keeping me sane. I never knew it was possible to not sleep more than 4 hours in a row for such an extended period of time (and I hear I’m lucky!).
I’m amazed we were trusted with this task. I’m amazed my body is helping to sustain this little guy. I feel like I’ve been so slow to process this miracle, from the pregnancy to the birth to the day to day life with this little guy, and all my posts echo the same “I can’t believe this is real” feeling, but it really seems too incredible to have actually gone right for this to be our reality.
It sounds strange, but I didn’t recognize him when he came out. This was my son? I had dreamed about our child for so long but I had no idea who he’d be. He was just an idea. Except, now he’s not…he’s an actual breathing, burping, pooping, cooing, almost smiling entirely separate person that looks at me with this innocent eyes and says,
Here we go! Our adventure is just beginning! What will we do today?
Wow. Just, wow!