Such is life

I feel like a broken record.

One day everything is going seemingly OK and then…

One day I’m completely content with the fact that I’m going back to work next week instead of having the opportunity to be a mom and then…

One day I’m committed to making this our last month of “treatment” because too many things are giving and not enough ends are meeting and then…

Well, not exactly.  I’m still pretty convinced I will take next month ‘off’.  Maybe permanently.  Two days ago I was happy about it.  Then I hear a pregnancy announcement (from this couple no less, I mean, they planned it, why wouldn’t it happen perfectly according to their plan?)  and it feels like a smack across my face.  Who am I kidding.  Its not like I have a choice to be pregnant or not next month.  The only choice I have is to take drugs that make me feel like I’m crazy but hey, its probably not even the drugs, its probably all in my head because who has to take drugs to get pregnant.  Its supposed to just happen.

There are days when I think I can do this and be really, truly happy and then…

And then there’s days like today.

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23 thoughts on “Such is life

  1. Oh I am so sorry. I was praying for you last night as the tears streamed down my cheeks, begging God for answers to the question Why? and begging him to please accept my pain on your behalf – and to find out we were feeling so many of these same things, it is clear to me why you were on my mind and in my prayers. Knowing how closely our cycles run, I get my hopes up as much for you as I do for us.

    I know it doesn’t help, but please know how very often I pray for you and think of you. And how badly I wish I could give you a real hug.

  2. Oh gosh, I remember these feelings so clearly. I still have days like that, but they are few and far between, thank God. They used to be (or it felt like they were) constant.

    No one should have to do all that we do to get pregnant and stay pregnant. It is one of the greatest injustices in life :(

    I am praying for you.

  3. Wow, I completely understand what you are feeling. I could have seriously written that post myself today. It’s just so hard some days. I think I have it altogether, and then I just don’t. Praying for you. Thank you for sharing, as it is comforting to know we’re not alone in these feelings.

  4. Days like today really suck. They really do. I find that I can sometimes “pull” myself out of the sadness and negativity. But other days just get the best of me. You are not alone. And you are in my prayers.

  5. I know it’s not ideal … or what you envisioned … but there is nothing wrong with using drugs and medical advancement to help get pregnant (within the confines of your personal beliefs, of course). I promise that when you are pregnant, the method to which you got pregnant will be remembered … but it will be overshadowed by how much you love your kid, like a million fold. And the further I get from the many months of trying pre-kid, the easier it is to believe and have faith that the second child will be here before I know it. Even though I fully understand that I wasn’t promised any miracles at all, and praying for two just seems … gratuitous.

    My point is … I’m so sorry today was a down day on the roller coaster. But there’s up’s on the horizon. And probably some more downs too, but eventually, in God’s time and not a moment before (my mantra), you will get your miracle. You have to do what’s best for you … but there is no shame in medications (there’s hormone problems though, which I can relate too!).

    I dunno, I’ve writeen like 4 comments and published none of them. I just wanted to let you know I was reading … and that I pray for you often.

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  8. Hello, I am 36 and new to NFP. Right in the middle of my 4th chart after a month of blood draw every other day and a first preliminary diagnosis of low estrogen and low progesterone post peak. Not all results are in yet but I’ve been prescribed HCG shots, 2000 units for P+3, 5, 7 and 9. I also take 500mg of B6 everyday. I’ve found your blog two days ago while Google searching for symptoms of HCG shots. I had to do only one last year and felt I was going mad. I just wanted to thank you for your blog. I haven’t read all your posts yet but can relate so much already. I am so happy you had a beautiful baby boy. It’s always comforting to read about the successes of others who struggled and bare this cross. Thank you! Continued blessings to you and your family.
    -Natie

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