A (not so) encouraging story

The third clinic was the charm today.

That’s one thing that stinks about moving to a new area and trying to explain to each receptionist that you need your blood drawn for hormone testing, but that your doctor is out of state so you’ll actually just need that blood back now thank you.  I’m just gonna go pop it in the mail and hope the USPS guy doesn’t ask me what it is.

I even pulled out the “this is for my fertility treatments and I have to do this today” line on the first two clinics and nada.  One told me it was against California state law to give me my own blood back.   Really?  Don’t tell that to the 3rd clinic…

Anyway, during the blood draw the nurse was extremely nice.

So this is for fertility treatment?

Yea.

Oh yeah, sometimes it just takes a while, you know?

(So I’m realizing…)

You know, I tried for quite a while to get pregnant before I did.

(Oh awesome, she understands!  Kindred spirits!)

Yeah, me and my first husband (red flag!) were together for 5 years and tried but nothing.  They told me I had one ovary and it wouldn’t happen.  It put a lot of stress on our marriage, you know.  He was from a Hispanic family and his mother always asking “where are the children??” So we divorced.  Then on my second marriage I didn’t ever use birth control because I didn’t think we could get pregnant and now I have three children!

Oh, wow!  I guess its about couple fertility, huh?

So, it took me a minute to figure out her actual point, but I can only conclude it was, “Leave your husband and get pregnant”?  Ummm, yeah.  Not so encouraging.

There was that other time our lab cleaning lady told me that lovely story about her Indian friend who “came over from India and married a white woman who couldn’t have children” so he left her and had an arranged marriage and was “popping them out so fast” right after they got married.   Yes, I shifted nervously in my seat, scratched my arms and tried to change the subject because really, what’s more fun than talking about husbands leaving their worthless-non-procreating wives?!  (Just about anything!!)

But I hope those stories suffice all those people who type “husband leaves infertile wife” into the search engine and find this blog.  Apparently it happens on occasion, as depressing as it is.  If you want some helpful things men have said about infertility, here is something by my husband.  He’s a pretty quiet guy on the subject, no matter how much I beg him to share his thoughts.  He deals with it differently than I do, there’s no doubt its not as all-consuming for him and obviously his hormones don’t effect the way we discuss things as much, but I do catch glimmers of what is really going on in his head.  I’ve come to appreciate his non-emotional side as being the rock that gets me by, although it can be frustrating when I want to say “Man, isn’t it awful that they already got pregnant?” and all he can say is “No.  Good for them.”  Because really, good for them.

And those are all the stories you’ll find about husbands leaving their infertile wives on this blog.

Maybe we could all say a little prayer for couples coping with this extra stress tonight.  Lord knows we all need it.

 

*Updated to add a little info on getting your blood drawn for PPVI Institute:  In Texas I had the most success with Any Lab Test Now.  They were amazing at helping me and when I went there I saw at least 3 kits for other women who were doing the hormone panel as well (they even store it for you the whole month!) so I could not recommend them enough.  Unfortunately, they don’t have one in California, so here I tried Que.st Diagno.stics and Lab.Corp, who both were not able to do the draw.  I finally found success at a local hospital’s outpatient lab and from what other commenters say, that is the most frequent place they have found success as well.  I also had to do a draw in a small beach town and randomly had success with the local “for minor emergency clinic”, although that could have been a fluke.  I played up the “I’m going to have to drive 2 hours unless you can help me and I can’t have a baby” card hardcore for that one.  

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17 thoughts on “A (not so) encouraging story

  1. I had the very same problem with blood draws when I first moved to a new state and was told the same thing about it being against the law. I never did find a lab who would give it to me, and eventually that was a big reason I had to stop working with PPVI.

    That’s terrible about husbands leaving their non-procreating wives. I remember one of the very first Catholic infertility blogs I found years ago ended in divorce. It was a reminder to me that the cross could always be heavier. Thank God for our good husbands.

    • I had to do the blood draw while on vacation in NC last month…so relaxing huh?! Luckily the local clinic didn’t think too hard and let me do it. I’m gonna update the post to share what else I’ve learned to help someone else maybe…
      And I think I know which blog you’re talking about. I was depressed when I read how that one ended as well…

  2. I can’t believe these stories but I suppose it is the sad truth in some cases. But the ones it doesn’t kill, it makes stronger-isn’t that how the saying goes? ;) I agree, thank God for good husbands. And labs like #3 that just do it. I have to say in my experience with labs (written on my blog), has been good once I started doing only hospital labs and have had wonderful luck getting them to give it back. Funny to hear someone else say they hope the postal service doesn’t ask what it is. I have thought that many times.

    • Actually, it was a hospital that finally was able to help me as well. The worst part of the story was I was without car/internet so I just kept wandering around trying to find another place on foot/bus! I am glad those first two places kept recommending other places!
      And from what I can see, sending blood isn’t illegal, just…strange…

  3. Oh dear. It’s a wonder why people even bother to share certain stories-it’s as if they don’t even think about what they are saying before they say it!

    Praying for you.

    And I hate to ask this again, but I can’t seem to find where you told me before, but how the heck do I “follow” your blog where it shows up on my feed (where I read blogs from)…sorry to ask yet again, I suppose I’m a slow learner! ;)

    • Ok, so I don’t actually know! But do you use google reader? I always go in there to “manage subscriptions” and you can add blogs that aren’t “blogger” blogs. I’ll email you…

  4. Um wow !!!

    Does that really qualify as small talk ?

    But then again my mother once told me about a man who ran away from his wife because she had 9 kids – i was like really ?!!!!!
    So maybe we all need to be better about small talk

    SO sorry you had so much trouble having blood drawn !!!

  5. My own uncle told my husband that if his wife couldn’t have kids that he would just get a mistress and have some with her.

    Jerk.

    So sorry that getting your blood work done has been such a pain. I’m so relieved that I’m doing that stuff in the US!

  6. JB, I remember that! That was the WORST!!

    I had luck with my hospital lab when I had to ship blood out to Chicago. Maybe they’re just more used to shipping out than labs not affiliated with hospitals?

    Glad you finally found one to help you… I just wish that the techs would stay quiet while drawing blood ;)

    • You know, the third lab was a hospital lab, so I think I’ll put a little disclaimer in the post so that people can see that more easily if they’re having trouble. I’m going straight to the hospital next time! I’m just glad I was able to do all three of those and get a successful P+7 at the end of it!

  7. Oh brother… what great a conversation. Not!! :( You know, this is when I am so thankful for our faith and deeper understanding of marriage (and good husbands!). Divorce and starting over and cheating and all that craziness… not worth it. And whatever kids they do get to “pop out” will suffer for it… poor kids.

  8. I’ve heard similar stories by the nurses that drew my blood too. Those stories are crazy!
    I’m glad that I’ve got a great husband who won’t run out on me … and I’m glad you do too!!! (I read your post links … he’s a keeper!)

    • Haha, I know, and she was trying to be so helpful too…I just wonder if she realized what she was saying…
      I’m glad we have the foundation we have too, because it is rough. Super rough. I can’t imagine going through this without him.

  9. The hospital is where I get mine, too, and they will NOT let me take it with me (I had my pre-paid padded envelope ready and everything! ha) — Interesting, that came out of my body, but I can’t have it? haha…BUT, they send it in for me, which is even better. No shipping charges! :-D
    I know that in this small town, a lot of blood gets sent out because they don’t have the ability to do some of the testing, so TCIE might be right about the hospital being more “used to” it!

    SO glad you found somewhere to go!

    And I cannot believe the stories people tell/the way people act/the things people do sometimes. Yikes.

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