Blog fast is going great. Too great. Sorry I’m not more descriptive, but my mind feels like a cross between a mushy melon and an intensely focused targeting machine, zero-ing in on random points and moving on to the next. And I’m aware that probably made no sense.
This post is not going as planned.
I’ve just now made the connection that I wait and wait for the weekend to come so I can read blogs, but with each week comes less and less earnestness. I am excited to read the blogs and updates but I feel oddly hollow after reading the newest posts (pretty please don’t take that as an insult, internet. this is an analysis of myself). Maybe I just build it up too much. I’m “that person” who does the same thing with my birthday. But then, more recently I’ve realized that its not just emptiness but sadness associated with blog reading. Akin to a depressive feeling.
Simply put, blog reading does not give me feelings of happiness. Granted, we don’t just do things to make us happy, but there should be some benefit to them, right? And there have been many a time where thoughtful comments have pulled me out of a deep funk. But I wonder if its really more of a “fix” than a need. Pregnancy or mommy blogs point to a different life that is quickly leaving (left?) my frame of reference for the foreseeable future. Infertility blogs, well, they make me sad too. Looking at something I might never have just teases me but then reading posts about how sad I am because I’ll never have it just makes me more depressed.
I just want to forget it all already! Is escape ever really an option?
I’m realizing that my life focused on everything but things related to kids right now is busy and stressful and exciting and so, so refreshing.
Perhaps the only way to have peace with my own yard is to just stop staring at the neighbor’s. Completely. Both the kept and the unkempt ones.
Of course there’s no way to do that. And it feels like cheating. I can’t just ignore the world forever, can I? But maybe it really is the best solution.
Maybe its just a bad day.
The thing is though, it was going perfectly fine until I checked my blog reader.
You learn a lot on a blog fast.