Planet Pregnant and the Cosmic Pregnancy Balance

For real this time.

It occurred to me the other week that pregnancy seems to shoot women into another planet’s orbit where an entirely different realm of worries govern their daily life.  If its strange what things you think of on Planet Childless, the questions that seem to occupy a pregnant woman’s time seem equally foreign.

Will it be a girl or a boy? How will I balance my time? I hope I don’t gain that much weight. What will people think? How and when will I go back to work?  What will I wear to Jim-Bob’s wedding when I’m 7 months pregnant?

It amazes me that people get to think about those questions, those questions that I forbid myself to think about every month!  In one second (well, more like one month) I can go from completely understanding and speaking clearly with a non-pregnant friend and the next, its like she’s blasted off to a different planet full of thoughts and worries that I only thought existed beyond the deep horizon.  People actually go there?  It sometimes feels a little like learning that Martians exist.  Phenomenal.

But yes, trips to Planet Pregnant are very frequent and people go there a lot, often they make multiple trips!  In fact, as soon as you’ve announced your next voyage to Planet Pregnant I’m sure it seems like women who you’ve barely spoken too as long as you’ve inhabited Planet Childless offer you their travel tips.  Its such a life-changing experience I’m sure there’s no way not to talk about your last trip.  Its like that time you went to Europe, only the souvenirs are way better.  I’m sure this experience is not only for those without children yet, but the unmarried could feel the same way.  And perhaps Planet Marriage or Planet Wedding-Day seems equally as foreign a place with related worries as odd as another language or something you only dream about.

I just wish I had something to add to these conversations about Planet Pregnant, but sometimes it just feels like a country I’ve never been to, I can only ask what was the food like, did it make you sick, or, did you meet anyone fun? And I do try to relate, after all, I got sick on a trip once.  But to be honest, that’s when I get concerned about myself.   I want to go to Planet Pregnant because of the joy it would bring and how it would change my life after I return. I do have to remind myself of that.  I don’t just want to go because other people are going, although I’m sure people decide to book trips based on the fact their friends are going so they might as well go too.  But truth is maybe I’ll get to make a more unique intergalactic journey, to somewhere like Planet Adoption, Planet Foster Case, Planet South American Mission or even Planet Full-Time Student-For-The-Rest-Of-My-Life (OK, so maybe people won’t really want to hear stories about my journey to that last destination).  Maybe I won’t be able to share stories with as many people since those places are less visited, but we’ll have our own experiences which will be invaluable to us.

And the Cosmic Pregnancy Balance…I have a whole other post coming about The Pregnancy Announcement Reaction (dom dom dom, well, at least in my head) but I was wondering if I’m the only one who somehow feels a superstitious belief in the Cosmic Pregnancy Balance.  That perhaps somewhere in there I believe in another physics law, totally unprovable but as strong as the law of gravity, that conserves the number of pregnant women on Earth, nay, the Universe, at the same time.  That maybe there can only be a certain number of pregnant women at once.  So when you hear of another one, you’re happy for them but at the same time realize that your chances of being on the numerator of that Pregnancy Ratio just went down.  It makes no sense by any laws of conservation or math that I’m familiar with, but man, in the moment it always makes total sense.

The Cosmic Pregnancy Balance, that’s why I’m not pregnant.  Of course.

OK, this was my lame attempt at humor.  I’m sorry if I failed miserably. It was not meant to be blasphemous or disrespectful, its just sometimes easier to joke about a Cosmic Pregnancy Balance than to believe that God has hand-selected me to learn patience this way while seemingly everyone else doesn’t need to learn patience at all.

27 thoughts on “Planet Pregnant and the Cosmic Pregnancy Balance

  1. Haha, I thought the cosmic pregnancy balance was quite funny! And all those other planets do sound cool. I worry that my current residence on Planet New Mom bores other people, but the atmosphere here is all I’m breathing!

    • No, never boring. Perhaps like you learned a new language that I so would love to learn and I just look on with awe, but never boredom. Maybe only to those on Planet Old Mom! Ha!

  2. I enjoyed your post regarding cosmic pregnancy balance. Personally, I struggle with my thoughts that those of us on Planet Poor-house are always figuring there’s some kind of cosmic force that prevents certain people from lifting off there and going to Planet-financially secure. I’m not even talking about Planet-Rich! I’d just like to go to a planet where I’m not always worried about paying the bills!!!

  3. I really liked this post! I didn’t find it disrespectful at all. By the way, your disclaimer:

    “Balance than to believe that God has hand-selected me to learn patience this way while seemingly everyone else doesn’t need to learn patience at all.”

    Okay, can I share that as single woman, I hated it when people told me God was trying to teach me something like patience??? I hated the implication that my singlehood was some sign that I lacked a virtue when I knew, KNEW, that impatient, imperfect women were falling in love, getting married, and starting families all. the. time. :) My identical twin married 7 years before me and trust me she was NOT 7 years more mature or spiritually advanced than me. :) I don’t always know why some must wait longer than others, but after my experience as a single-lady-wanting-a-family, I no longer assume that the person waiting needs to be “taught a lesson” (at least not any more than the rest of us sinners lol).

    • Love that you saw that…and that you can relate. Well, I don’t really love it, but you know. Perhaps He is, perhaps He isn’t. I’m inclined to think its a little presumptuous to think we have the Creator of the Universe’s ‘Master Plan’ figured out just by looking at a tiny, tiny little section of it. Its probably much more complicated than we can ever imagine, but it probably makes us feel good to pretend to know the answers.

  4. I like this post, and oddly enough it provides insight for me into the normal-woman cosmos. For me it seems strange to only think about pregnancy and childbirth once one is pregnant. But I’ve come to realize that most women apparently don’t consider these things until they’re going through them, and then they only want to share them with other women who have already gone, or are currently sharing the experience. Which is all so weird to me because I feel like who *wouldn’t* be interested in learning about what to do in random breastfeeding situations? And since I think every woman should be interested in marriage and monasticism and sub-fertility and lactation, I am happy to learn from anyone, regardless of what her personal experience is.

    And while the Cosmic Pregnancy Balance is witty, it’s also so sad, because I think you’re talking about the very real feelings that keep women from being able to celebrate another’s joy.

    • I have more to write about the transition from being deeply interested and invested to ‘Wow, that actually happens to people?’ but I do think it’s interesting that instead of pregnancy becoming a common, normal woman thing, I’m starting to see it as something as phenomenal as literally flying to another planet. It amazes me each time that this miraculous thing called pregnancy is so common when in reality it is so unique and amazing. Although in a way it feels like a regression since yes, it seems like a more distant idea, less like a normal activity.

      And you’re dead on. It is a very, very sad thing. I’m thankful I can invoke a little humor to take some of the sting and guilt off. Laughing at myself is easier to bear than crying and guilt and shame.

  5. I love it! It’s fascinating to me that some people can leave the shared planet that we’ve traveled together, and suddenly forget everything about this planet that I’m still on and that they’ve left. For some, it’s like they were never here. Others still remember what it was like, but now they are just in a different place. I wonder how that works?

    • I’m glad you liked it. It has helped me to think of these new experiences as literally opening up new worlds to people, so I think of it less in terms of a blame game. Who wouldn’t want to explore a new planet they land on. I think maybe some people just fail to recognize that not everyone is traveling with them? That their world is not the only world? Being able to relate to people is what makes us human.

      I wrote about it way back here:

      I think my writing was better then. And my analogies less ridiculous.

  6. I think this post is great. We all live on our little planets. And I’m always afraid it’s bothersome to others (my friends). I lived on planet subfertility – not a place I would have choosen to visit mind you – then I lived on planet pregnant. But because of my visit to planet subfertility, I think I was more scared than many who visit that pretty place.

    I think the key is to break out of our little planets. For instance, I was stuck on planet subfertility and every time I got word of another person who was pregnant it felt like my roots in that planet were getting deeper and deeper. So I visited planet homeless (volunteered with a homeless shelter) or I went to church, which always makes me feel better, no matter what’s going on. It didn’t make my situation any better, but I guess it was better than fixating? I don’t know.

    Also – the other thing I did – was lots of concerts, lots of plays (got a season pass to the summer musical program), lots of travel. I didn’t do it for those stupid people who say “oh drink all you can while you’re not pregnant!” or “sleep now before you have kids!” – I did it to distract myself. It didn’t work all the time. Sometimes it just made me feel even more acutely aware of what I was missing. It was hard to break away from Planet Subfertility (I hope you don’t mind me using your phrase). Sometimes you just have to wallow in it for a while and then put it down. I think, like what you use your blog for? I used to purge it all out on my friend, and then try and leave it there for a while.

    You have been given a gift, and you even know you have it. It’s the gift of valuing pregnancy for the amazing, out of this world miracle that it is. This experience will make you a great mother, and you will cherish the moments with your babies, in whatever form God brings them to you.

  7. Love it! And I can attest, Planet Adoption is a super cool place!

    And Cosmic Pregnancy Balance seems like something straight out of Lost. Maybe that’s why all those pregnant women kept dying on the island! Haha.

    • Ha! Maybe!
      And I have to admit, Planet Adoption is a little intimidating, with all the forms and paperwork and such. Perhaps its good I’ve been reading about it for a while now…

  8. Hilarious!

    Even though I’m on my own Planet Pregnant, the pain of Planet Subfertility is always in the back of my mind…I’m thinking negative thoughts like, “Will this be our only child?” and “How long will it take to conceive the next one if it actually happens?” It’s always haunting!

    • Ah, well then I’ll give you the advice others give me now…enjoy the trip while you’re on it, especially since you don’t know when you’ll be back!

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