For real this time.
It occurred to me the other week that pregnancy seems to shoot women into another planet’s orbit where an entirely different realm of worries govern their daily life. If its strange what things you think of on Planet Childless, the questions that seem to occupy a pregnant woman’s time seem equally foreign.
Will it be a girl or a boy? How will I balance my time? I hope I don’t gain that much weight. What will people think? How and when will I go back to work? What will I wear to Jim-Bob’s wedding when I’m 7 months pregnant?
It amazes me that people get to think about those questions, those questions that I forbid myself to think about every month! In one second (well, more like one month) I can go from completely understanding and speaking clearly with a non-pregnant friend and the next, its like she’s blasted off to a different planet full of thoughts and worries that I only thought existed beyond the deep horizon. People actually go there? It sometimes feels a little like learning that Martians exist. Phenomenal.
But yes, trips to Planet Pregnant are very frequent and people go there a lot, often they make multiple trips! In fact, as soon as you’ve announced your next voyage to Planet Pregnant I’m sure it seems like women who you’ve barely spoken too as long as you’ve inhabited Planet Childless offer you their travel tips. Its such a life-changing experience I’m sure there’s no way not to talk about your last trip. Its like that time you went to Europe, only the souvenirs are way better. I’m sure this experience is not only for those without children yet, but the unmarried could feel the same way. And perhaps Planet Marriage or Planet Wedding-Day seems equally as foreign a place with related worries as odd as another language or something you only dream about.
I just wish I had something to add to these conversations about Planet Pregnant, but sometimes it just feels like a country I’ve never been to, I can only ask what was the food like, did it make you sick, or, did you meet anyone fun? And I do try to relate, after all, I got sick on a trip once. But to be honest, that’s when I get concerned about myself. I want to go to Planet Pregnant because of the joy it would bring and how it would change my life after I return. I do have to remind myself of that. I don’t just want to go because other people are going, although I’m sure people decide to book trips based on the fact their friends are going so they might as well go too. But truth is maybe I’ll get to make a more unique intergalactic journey, to somewhere like Planet Adoption, Planet Foster Case, Planet South American Mission or even Planet Full-Time Student-For-The-Rest-Of-My-Life (OK, so maybe people won’t really want to hear stories about my journey to that last destination). Maybe I won’t be able to share stories with as many people since those places are less visited, but we’ll have our own experiences which will be invaluable to us.
And the Cosmic Pregnancy Balance…I have a whole other post coming about The Pregnancy Announcement Reaction (dom dom dom, well, at least in my head) but I was wondering if I’m the only one who somehow feels a superstitious belief in the Cosmic Pregnancy Balance. That perhaps somewhere in there I believe in another physics law, totally unprovable but as strong as the law of gravity, that conserves the number of pregnant women on Earth, nay, the Universe, at the same time. That maybe there can only be a certain number of pregnant women at once. So when you hear of another one, you’re happy for them but at the same time realize that your chances of being on the numerator of that Pregnancy Ratio just went down. It makes no sense by any laws of conservation or math that I’m familiar with, but man, in the moment it always makes total sense.
The Cosmic Pregnancy Balance, that’s why I’m not pregnant. Of course.