My small miracle

I was walking back to my car last night after a self-induced sucker punch from Facebook and I was counting my blessings that it was dark so other people couldn’t see the tears running down my cheeks, softly but uncontrolled.  I should do more things at night, I thought, since its easier to hide my emotions. And that’s when I literally almost got hit by a car.  As in, it swerved and I had to jump out the way to avoid death.  Apparently my tears aren’t the only things invisible at night!

I felt like that was a literal reminder from God that my self-pity may very well be the death of me.

So I sucked it up and tried not to cry the rest of the way home.  It was semi-working when I decided to turn it to the Christian station to get some inspiration (my car radio has been stuck on Tejano as my only means of practicing Spanish since I got back to Texas).  That’s when this awesome song came on:

I was thinking it was a perfect song and just what I needed to hear.  And then I turned north on the final street home and I literally heard the first chorus of “Light up the sky” right as lightning lit up the sky in a thunderstorm off in the distance directly in front of me.  It was surreal.  I just sat in my car until the song finished.  And I’m taking it as my small miracle for the day.

[And yes, I realized later that maybe the DJ saw the storm and purposely played that song, but still!  Sometimes miracles are all about timing.  I’ll take what I get.]

Also, I decided to just keep my blog the way it is for now.  I will probably not discuss medical specifics of our situation due to my lack of anonymity (at least at this point), but I will still discuss these matters of my heart and soul, because to be honest I feel like that’s what is more “at risk” at this point.  Thanks for listening.  You don’t know how much your comments mean to me.

And today is Dia de los Muertos!  Oh how I wish I was in Mexico with my husband today.  Praying for the souls that have gone before us.

12 thoughts on “My small miracle

  1. Feliz dia de los muertos!!! The city is full of altars of the Dead! Wish you could be here. The cementeries full of orange flowers and ofrendas.

    I am so happy that you had both reminders: the car and the thuderstrom. Small but great gifts of God! I am also very very happy that you decide to keep your blog. Hope you can come soon to Mexico to be with your DH.

  2. Hi! I just discovered your blog and wish I had found it sooner.

    I’m sure you hear stuff like this all the time, but I just wanted to encourage you in your struggle to become parents. I had periods of time where I had to stay off Facebook because I felt my heart was being shredded every time I saw that someone I loved was pregnant. And I felt awful for feeling awful- everything was awful!

    My hubby and I struggled for two plus years with trying to get pregnant. This past June we decided to take in our beautiful foster son even though I knew that when he went back to his father, at least six months later, my heart would break again. We also started Creighton and were told to abstain for a month to begin. I got pregnant the day that those 30 days ended! It wasn’t about using CM exactly because we had charted and done stuff in the past (polycistic runs in my family and I knew I had issues), but it was totally God. I retrospect I saw that God couldn’t have given us a baby sooner, because we wouldn’t have gotten our foster soon, my husband wouldn’t have taken his current job and a million other details that I only recognize now.

    I’m sorry for the pain and the aching you feel now, but I look forward to rejoicing when I read more about how God uses you through this and how He will bring a new “Moonhead” into your life when the timing is just as God knows will be best for you.

    God bless!

  3. I love it when heaven reaches down and kisses us…I know it happens more our human fraility and blindness pick up on it….But I’m so glad for your BIG miracle! It’s perfect! :)

  4. Thanks for posting that article about Facebook, Alison. You have no idea how comforting that was. It helped me to not feel like such a psycho. I thought I was a horrible person for hiding all my pregnant friends but it seems this is a very common phenomenon, and the emotions I feel are incredibly widespread.

    And I LOOOOOVE that song. I saw the Afters in concert last month and I heard it for the first time. Beautiful. I love it when other people like the things that I like!

  5. God moves in mysterious and awesome ways! I recently had an experience of God touching my heart and will never be the same!

    How long is your DH in Mexico for? Are you going to visit? I do so love Mexico!!

  6. Thanks for posting the Washington Post article. I’ve done the same thing, “hiding” all of my pregnant friends and those who have recently had babies. Praying for all women who are TTC…

  7. Pingback: Surviving and Thriving on Mother’s Day « Matching Moonheads

  8. Pingback: What I’m thinking when I hear you’re pregnant « Matching Moonheads

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