One way to handle it

I’ve noticed that because we’re in a new place meeting many new people, we’re starting to get the “Do you want children?” question more and more frequently.  I think its pure fiction that it would even be possible for us to not think about having kids with the amount of times that it has come up in conversation.

It is a constant reminder and its natural.  And I’m not blaming anyone.  Its a question that will be brought up by others, even if we don’t talk about it.  But we still do.  We like children and would love a family of our own!  But we’re also of child bearing age, so people will ask even if we don’t bring it up ourselves.  Figuring out how to manage a response appropriate to the situation is the tricky part.

Some days its easier than others.

During Spanish class introductions when we were asked if we have and then if we want children, I was glad my Spanish isn’t that great so that I was able to default to my husband.  Fortunately, my husband figured out how to say “When God decides and gives us children.”

But then there was the other day.  We had a cooking class with another couple with a baby and the teacher pointed to the cute baby and asked us, “Don’t you want children? Look at him, he’s too cute”.  Yes, of course we do.  I just couldn’t look her in the eyes when I said it.  Luckily I was able to blame my “eye wetness” on the onion we were cutting.

But the other night we were in a better place.  We were eating with another couple and my husband mentioned how he’ll be motivated to work and make money when we get out of here since we do want “12 million children.”  I joked that I thought maybe he confused children with guppies because that seemed like a bit too many. He then downgraded his number to at least “a basketball team.”

“That’s better,” I said.  I laughed.  He laughed.

The couple we were eating with laughed, nervously.

“Oh really.  And how do you feel about just being a breeding machine, just popping them out?”  the man asked me.  He’d been brash all evening, so I wasn’t entirely surprised he said this.

But in my head, I still paused.

Out loud I managed to say, “If I could be so privileged,” as I looked him in the eyes.

My husband and I laughed as we shared that lookThat look that says it all.

The other couple laughed, nervously.

And we changed the subject.

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11 thoughts on “One way to handle it

  1. Am I way behind? Are you arleady in Mexico? I loved the photos of the churchs…What do they look like on the inside?

    Love the comment of “being given the privelege”….

  2. What a great response.

    I’m passed the “prime” age where everybody and used to ask and we’ve been married for a while now (8+years) so the question happens less frequently than it used to, but I still dread it.

  3. i think you handled it quite well. it would take me a day to come up with a funny yet intelligent answer. of course, i am imaging you saying this in spanish, so even more kudos.

  4. I used to tell myself, the next time someone asks me that I’m going to tell the truth. “We are having a hard time concieving.” I think I said it once? Maybe twice? But the result was they just looked at me with pity. Which also wasn’t helpful.

    And, oddly enough, someone asked me today if I was going to be a baby factory now that I was a stay at home mom. I just sort of looked at them and said, if by baby factory you mean I have more than one child, yes I probably will.

    So awkward. People suck.

  5. Not sure if all those people were Mexican, but my experience has been that they are very BLUNT and don’t really think about where the other person might be coming from. It takes some getting used to, and I am still not used to it!

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