Marriage: As seen today

I’ve been wanting to write on the issue of same sex marriage for a while now, but I’ve avoided it largely because it is such a monstrous topic that I know I’ll basically have to write a second thesis on in order to do it justice and that thought is, well, very daunting.  I don’t want to put something up here that’s not well formulated and that will take time.  But I’m finally making the time because I’ve realized its been long enough and this is getting ridiculous.

But before I dive into same-sex marriage, I wanted to lay a little ground-work, specifically, how the general population sees marriage today.  Its important to understand the current climate in regards to marriage before we can even approach the subject of talking about same-sex ‘marriage’.  I think understanding where we’re at and how we got here is important to understanding why we’re going where we’re going as a country (world).

So I wanted to look at two popular culture references to marriage.  The first is this song by Alicia Keys ft. Drake, called “Unthinkable.”  Have you heard it?  If you haven’t, its time for you to know we’re now rapping about being scared of marriage.

The original music video makes it seem like its about interracial marriage, but the remix with Drake exposes lyrics revealing a discontent with dating without substance, fears of being single forever, or ending up with “somebody that’s been with everybody,” a message that resonantes beyond interracial marriage (leading me to believe that was just a plot for the video, not the message of the song.)

However, when Alicia starts singing about all these amazing feelings she has for her new lover, she refers to marriage as “the unthinkable” indicating her trepidation.

I was wondering maybe, could I make you my baby, If we do the unthinkable, would it make us go crazy? Or would it be so beautiful?

Now, I’m all for hesitancy and level-headed thinking when it comes to making a big decision like marriage, but “unthinkable?”  Marriage has become The Unthinkable?  Wow.  I think it reveals how scared our generation is of this beautiful covenant.  It reminds me of the comment I got when I announced our engagement to a ‘friend’:  I just thought you were going to do something with your life.

(Just a note that ultimately, Alicia does say that if you ask her, she’s “ready”, which is a good sign!)

The second “base-point” I think is important is the stats of unwed mothers having children, which is up to 40% of all births now.  I just found a very interesting article that asks what will ultimately affect our society more, Prop 8. being rescinded or the Bristol Palin/Levi Johnston engagement breakup (yet again).  The author argues that Bristol’s breakup reflects a societal change actualized that people fear same-sex marriage will promote:  couples with children feeling the need to not keep the nuclear family intact.  And its already happening at startling rates.  There is so much to say here, and I’m not advocating or not advocating for their specific relationship to stay together, but as a society, the stigma against parenting without being married is definitely gone and unfortunately, that is not in the children’s benefit.  See the article for more specific stats.

Anyway, those are just the two base points in this marriage issue, to set the groundwork for where we’re at and why we’re here.  More coming, as “in pieces” is the only way this can possibly happen…

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7 thoughts on “Marriage: As seen today

  1. First of all, I hadn’t even heard about the Bristol Palin thing…but why should we be surprised, right? *rolling eyes*

    When I got married and word passed on to third tier friends, you know, the one’s that you know, but aren’t really close to? Anyway, my friend told this guy that I’d gotten married and he asked if I had any kids. Now we’re both very churchy folks, so I was pretty surprised by that question. We’re fighting an uphill battle when a man who goes to church two or three times a week is asking a newlywed if she’s got kids.

  2. I have friends that are terrified of marriage and most of them are terrified because they have watched their parents and friends divorce. They’re scared for a reason – going for broke and ending in divorce IS undesireable. Unless we offer them lasting marriage as an option that can actually happen (which is rare outside the church.. so I would argue that marriage as a decent life option really is not very likely outside the church), they will continue to avoid marriage.

    • I agree 100%. I am definitely not part of the camp that buys into the “we need to get back to the good old days,” because the “good old days” brought us to the situation we’re in now! However, we also can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater!
      And while I do agree that the church is important part of marriage, I have watched several successful marriages in my family where faith/church has played an insignificant role. This does give me hope.
      Thanks for giving me some ideas for future posts…

  3. Perhaps the question you’re looking to solve is what is more important to uphold the “traditional marriage” or the “tradition of marriage” and perhaps we should reflect on what was not considered a “traditional marriage” 100 years ago – interracial marriages, marriages without children, marriages where both partners work outside of the home, marriages to women over an acceptable “breeding age”, marriages where the women is the bread winner, etc.

    Personally I hold to that the tradition of marriage and the attempt to create a stable two parent home is more important than preserving the idea of a “traditional marriage”.

  4. Interesting. Well I think you are brave for approaching this subject, and I will be interested to see what else you have to say. I believe the family is the basic unit of society and that people generally don’t take it (or marriage) serious enough or understand it’s value.

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