A while back I updated how I’m now learning the Creighton method of NFP. It seems to be the sub-fertile thing to do, so I hopped on, thinking I could get some good information about my cycles and talk to doctors that would understand and respect my stance on ART.
I think its finally hitting me what this all means.
I have two months of charts now. Two months of charts that will be sent off to Dr. Hilgers for his assessment of the situation (which according to my practitioner, he’s very likely to suggest that I have endometriosis based on lack of any other reason and recommend surgery).
And then the treatment can start.
Because all of this up til now, this was nothing.
I cried in the car right after we had our last session. I almost started crying during the session, but I managed to hold off. Just something about having to go through all of these steps to have a baby creates anxiety. Steps that so many other people don’t have to go through at all, that you shouldn’t have to go through. Its not the way God designed our bodies.
And this was all after my relaxing birthday weekend of beach time, spa treatments and massages, so I really was at my absolute ‘chillest’.
As much success as I’ve had charting with the Creighton method (and my charts look the same, by the way, just now with colored stickers!) I have to say, this idea of control is what is freaking me out more than anything. I’m weary of this promise and hope that Creighton and Naprotechnology is providing. I believe in the method working, I just fear that putting my faith in these doctors will consume me and our pursuit of family. We also fear blindly following our desire for biological children. Its really easy to keep going on as we are, but it will take a concerted effort to up the treatment. I’m an extremely indecisive person anyway (seriously, I can’t figure out what to order at restaurants most of the time!) and I’ve realized I don’t like to be in control but find pleasure in going with the flow and adapting. I also know that I have a fear of wanting something only to not get it (I actually dread birthdays because of that – all the hype!). I can’t imagine going through the initial 2-week treatment required in Omaha without stressing out. And that’s just the beginning! It just all sounds so intense, which is the opposite name of the game I’ve been playing with myself these days.
I know we need to up our prayer life a lot to discern what’s right for us as this progresses and while we know that its not right for us to start anything now (see this), it has hit me how much harder this is going to get. And that statistically, waiting around much longer doesn’t have the best odds.
I have a renewed sense of respect for all the women going through treatment now. So my question is, how did you do it? How did you and your husband decide when to start your treatment? Was there a distinct moment, or was it gradual? Also, did you and your husband agree on when to start? We’ve only done diagnostics at this point and they’ve all come back a-okay.
I’d love to hear from those of you that have gone through this.