Just in case you were wondering, I came across a nice little verse in the Bible the other day that helped confirm what I was wondering the other week, that no, us subfertile/infertile women are not cursed. I know I’m not a Biblical scholar, but this verse was enough for me. It was from the final reading in a two week-plan on healing.
John 9: 1-4
As he walked along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned; he was born blind so that God’s works might be revealed in him.
Jesus might as well have said “Nothing made him that way, its just the way is.” I thought it random that I even chose the two-week plan on healing, but this verse gave me such hope. I struggle with seeing my fertility issues as something that needs to be “healed” in the medical sense because that seems that takes God out of it all. I don’t think it helps that all the testing we’ve done so far indicates mostly normal fertility. Ultimately I started reading the plan because many other aspects of my life need healing, including my attitude, my heart, my patience, gossiping, etc.
I remember right after we got married my husband and I did a “busy person’s retreat”, which included meeting with a religious every day for one hour for a week. I was really sick during that time (yay food poisoning on the honeymoon!) and the Sister asked me if I had prayed for healing. Well, no. Why do I need to be healed? I just need to get over this virus caused by uncooked chicken from a certain street restaurant with no other people at that my husband really wanted to eat at (ahem)! Regardless, I did pray for my health to return. And eventually it did. But was it because of my prayer necessarily?
Getting pregnant is different. No science can explain infusing a soul and a life into my womb, that could only be the result of God’s work. Science can explain viruses, yet miracle cures still happen. Whether we want it or not.
I don’t know what that has to do with anything, and this post wasn’t supposed to be about prayer but opportunity. The opportunity to turn a seemingly bad situation into a good one. To claim that us not having a child is an accident or that I or anyone else with fertility issues earned this somehow is to deny the power and goodness of God. He is all powerful and yet nothing is too small for Him. I really wish that the above verse just ended after “so that God’s work might be revealed in Him” because the rest of it makes it sound like there is always a happy ending with the obvious choice (didn’t post it, you can look it up at home). Blind man can see, so then….barren woman should have baby right?
But what if that’s not the ending? Didn’t we still have a unideal situation with room for God’s work to be revealed? What if God’s work is for her to find a cure for cancer? Promote NFP? Become a mentor to those in need? Just get through the day with her marriage intact? Those are great things too.
Anyway, sorry if that didn’t make sense. Feeling a little under the weather here.
Maybe I’ll go pray for healing…
*Just a little note to clarify…I do pray for a baby if that’s God’s will and I pray to find God’s plan in my life. This post was more in reference to praying for healing my body so that I may have a baby. I understand that most women with sub/infertility have medical issues to why they don’t have children and maybe we do too (that I don’t know about yet, which is why we’re doing Creighton), but I haven’t felt like our case is pure a medical issue, especially since having a baby involves a soul and everything. I understand that I may feel like this because of a lack of anywhere to place blame right now, but its where I’m at.