“Pseudo Marriage”

During my research for the forever “in process” marriage posts I just stumbled upon this already well written article that captures a lot of what I believe in/would like to share with others.

As always, I would like to say that my own renditions are still coming (see? I was doing research on it jsut now!) but until then, enjoy this post from over at Faith and Family Live by Rebecca Teti.

Let me know what you think!

6 thoughts on ““Pseudo Marriage”

  1. Thanks for the link! They have some really good stuff to say. I have to agree. A few months ago, I went to a rally for a one man/one woman amendment for marriage in our state. It was religiously focused, with a number of different denominations represented. And I was heart sick with what they had to say. They could not make a single argument that held any kind of water because of what we had made of marriage. Not what the homosexual movement had made, but because of what we had done. Contraception was the most glaring problem, but also divorce, cohabitation, fornication and everything else that the article mentioned.

    • yes!! i actually remember watching a cnn news piece a few years ago about a gay man who was rallying and getting signatures in order to make it a requirement that married people have children, since that was the “only” reason why homosexuals couldn’t get married. And I didn’t disagree with him. And then I thought of the Catholic wedding vows….”Do you promise to accept children lovingly from God?”
      The hardest part is convincing people that there’s still things we can do to make the situation better.

  2. That’s a great article. “So who is ruining marriage? he asked. Don’t fool yourselves into thinking it’s homosexuals.” Wow – shivers is right! “Awkwardness all around! Bigotry’s got nothing to do with it!” Amen again!

    Story related to the awkwardness: My husband had a friend and his girlfriend coming into town last weekend. They asked if they could stay here, and of course we said yes. My husband told them point-blank that they couldn’t sleep in the same room while they were here. (We have two spare bedrooms, so that makes it easy.) I was amazed and impressed. I don’t know that I would have the guts to tell my friends that, especially since we did not do this ourselves when we stayed with friends before we were married! I worried and worried about it being weird and me not being strong enough to put my foot down about it. But it turned into a non-issue. Thanks to my husband’s calm strength, they stayed in a hotel and didn’t bring it up. And I loved my husband more than ever. (Sorry for the rant. I’ve just been thinking about that lately and this provided the opportunity to share!)

    I’m looking forward to your eventual article(s)! I would also love to hear your thoughts on what we can do the make the situation better. Obviously throwing out contraception would help, but how the heck do we get people on board with that? I guess instead of being overwhelmed with it we should focus on one person at a time, a la Mother Teresa, but it’s still tough. I think I’m going to write a book (after I graduate, of course) about feminism and how true authentic feminism rejects contraception and abortion, among other things. From an ecumenical Christian perspective, since this is something both Catholics and Protestants need to hear. Either of you two want to co-author it with me? :)

    • One word about your personal story: WOW. I’m uber impressed.

      And about the article, I KNOW, right? *Awkwardness* is the perfect explanation, and part of my reason for hesitation on the matter is the fact that I don’t think the conference went far enough, as in, they didn’t go *there* (contraception). ::sigh::

      I’m with you on the Mother Teresa approach though! Really, that’s all we have. And it does make it worth it to change one person’s view of themselves/this world.

      Thanks for being my one person!

      And yes, I’m totally in on the authorship. I just need to get to writing SOMETHING…(even if that was my thesis I’d be cool….ha!)

  3. So I read the article a little while ago and I guess I ended up commenting on someone else’s blog on a similar topic because I really thought I had here. It is easy to agree with the article but then what? We know that it is liberating to work with and understand our bodies instead of fighting against them, but that is not an easy topic to approach out of the blue to non-religious friends. As Elizabeth said, one great way to start is to be an example of true marriage. I think that is what my friends can see and “understand” the most. They seem to realize we are on the right track and ask questions, but are non-committing to some of the boundaries and sacrifices we have made in the past when we were dating and now that we are married.

    So another question (by Elizabeth) – how do we throw out contraception? I have joined a pro-life group and started talking to a few girls that attend the meetings – they want to be pro-life and have a responsible marriage but the doctors flat out lie about contraception saying it’s not bad and cannot be an abortifacient. Most doctors are not on our side and they pull a lot of weight – aren’t we supposed to trust them for our health? Information is power and I have given that to at least one woman in the group who has 3 children under 4 yrs old and wants to know how to postpone the next pregnancy without the abortifacient nature of the pill – she was told IUDs don’t do that and are her best bet, I gave her a second opinion.

    As for your continuing research on marriage, one resource that may help is by Fr. Loya “Who is man for woman and who is woman for man” He is a Byzantine priest and very down to earth. I saw him speak in Chicago and was actually given his CD at an engaged encounter retreat last year. His talk was much funnier, but the CD has some great examples of how God made men and women differently. Even if you take God out of the mix, he explains so well, with real life scenarios, how we compliment each other better than same-sex partners ever could. I bring this up because I think defending marriage has more to it than arguing against contraception, it is about educating people once again that male and female is not something made up by society. God made us male and female to play different roles in the family. Fr. Loya was able to address that without sounding like he wanted women exclusively at home with children – because that is not how our society is structured any more and it’s great that we have options.

    I should stop there – maybe I will re-listen to Fr. Loya and end up writing my own post.

  4. I just finished reading a great book about marriage and had to share! “Marriage – The Dream That Refuses to Die” by Elizabeth Fox-Genovese was a really interesting book on this subject. I was really impressed with how she was able to find the good in both sides but still say that marriage (between a man and a woman, forever) is important for society. She looked back at the history of families and marriage and identified how things have varied throughout time but how our society and its rampant individualism is something that is truly unprecedented. The second half of the book is better than the first; it’s several articles that she had previously published elsewhere. I loved loved loved Chapter 4 “Women and the Family” (which previously appeared in “Women and the Future of the Family” 2000). Above all she takes a very rational look at everything. Oh, and after being a secular feminist for years and years and years, she came to realize how wrong abortion was and said so publicly and staunchly (losing many friends) and eventually coming into the Catholic Church towards the end of her life. And now I have rattled on for too long, but I just had to share :)

    And Jenelle, I look forward to both your and Alison’s future posts!

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