Comments for Matching Moonheads

Comment on Thank your mother. by Sarah B.

Sarah B. — Mon, 13 May 2013 00:00:13 +0000

Agreed. As a woman whose mother has been dead for 20 years, who has experienced miscarriage, sub-fertility, and now has babies here to hold, this day is so….awkward. It’s bittersweet, to say the least. I have to put on a happy face and celebrate with my daughter who is not old enough to understand any of this yet. But I always take some time to grieve the baby we lost and my mother.

I was so proud that my priest made a comment to the effect of blessing “all of us” on Mother’s Day: those who are joyfully celebrating with their babies, those who desperately wish for motherhood, those who greive for mothers or lost babies, and those who are mourning the loss of a relationship with their mothers. It was beautiful and spot on.

Comment on Thank your mother. by All in His Perfect Timing

All in His Perfect Timing — Sun, 12 May 2013 03:03:38 +0000

I agree wholeheartedly about honoring those women who are grieving. Absolutely!
Beautiful post!

Comment on Thank your mother. by Sarah

Sarah — Sat, 11 May 2013 03:51:57 +0000

I like this reflection. I think it articulates many important thoughts on this day. I think your analogy on weddings and being single works – at least for me. I still went to weddings as a single woman. It might have been killing me inside, and I might have had to take a break, and I might have occasionally RSVPed “no” to a particular wedding or bridal shower, but I would never, on principle, ask that a celebration of marriage be toned down for my sake. Yes, how pitied I would feel then! I also appreciated Rebecca’s reflection that Mother’s Day was not invented by Hallmark. It was invented by a real woman wanting to honor her real mother. Motherhood is a vocation worth honoring. I also love the idea of including prayers for those grieving or struggling on Mother’s Day (as well as much reflection on Mary as we can… because we all have a perfect mother in her). Thanks for putting your thoughts out there!

Comment on Thank your mother. by ATC

ATC — Fri, 10 May 2013 22:45:53 +0000

Correction: “asking them to reflect on childlessness…”

Comment on Thank your mother. by ATC

ATC — Fri, 10 May 2013 22:43:37 +0000

I think it was about three years ago that my husband and I skipped town (and our mothers) to celebrate a childless weekend of fine food, whiskey bars, and still Mass where they handed out a flower to every woman but still had the mothers stand up. I’m glad we did it and it was our right to as every year before that and since we spent that Sunday with our mothers.

Everyone needs a break once and while and the childless need more than everyone else. I disagree with your admonition that you encourage women like me to celebrate Mother’s Day. Decent people honor their mothers every day and I don’t need this particular day to do it effectively. And besides, just getting pregnant and giving birth doesn’t automatically make you worthy of respect and honor. My mother is taking more hurtful actions against me every day. Frankly, we’re going out to brunch with her out of obligation, not sincere desire.

Mother’s Day is like most holidays in that it was invented in modern times and pushed mercilessly by flower shops, card peddlers, etc. And the day is culture specific. Russians celebrate a Woman’s Day (embracing all femininity.)

You may have missed it but a couple years ago (maybe it was last) a few bloggers worked on a letter to our pastors asking them not reflect on childlessness and have compassion for the infertile by not asking just women who parent a child in their home to stand up for a special blessing. It’s offensive. Why? Because my sincere desire and work to become a mother should count. Just because we can’t get pregnant it shouldn’t be a humiliating experience in church to leave couples like us out of the crowd.

I understand your heart is in the right place. I appreciate you still reflecting on infertility even now that you’re a mother. However, we are all different and I hope everyone sub/infertile spend Mother’s Day in whatever way she believes is good. We are all smart, faithful, thoughtful women in the infertile blogosphere. I trust us to make good decisions.

Comment on The Compassion Property by Thank your mother. | Matching Moonheads

Thank your mother. | Matching Moonheads — Fri, 10 May 2013 21:42:27 +0000

[…] moment, just like I understand the inability to partake in baby showers at a specific instance. And I think we could all use a little more compassion towards people hurting. But this doesn’t mean to misplace compassion and throw the baby out with the bathwater, so […]

Comment on Sueños by StacyH

StacyH — Wed, 08 May 2013 01:42:25 +0000

You are better than me. I feel like saying back to them…. “why did you have kids if you are going to let someone else raise them?”

I understand people who work and have to and do it to provide for their families. It’s not perfect but they make the best of it. But I don’t understand people who say things like that, “ugh how do you spend so much time with your kids?” And I never say it but in my head I’m always thinking, “how do you spend so much time away?”

Good post!

Comment on Sueños by All in His Perfect Timing

All in His Perfect Timing — Sat, 04 May 2013 17:06:36 +0000

I love what MFAW said about the fact that right now I am living someone else’s dream. I was JUST thinking that last night, when I was feeling a little down.
Your vacation a few years ago sounded beautiful! What a great thing to be able to travel! I was never quite so adventurous, and I know I missed out on some beautiful places because of it.

Comment on Sueños by made for another world

made for another world — Fri, 03 May 2013 11:25:00 +0000

beautiful post. My husband and I were just talking about this. At this point in our lives (we are in our 40s) part of our dreams have come true, but not completely. When I’m sad about not having a second child, working a too hard job, living in a small home, I think about the fact that I am living someone else’s dream. I have a child. I have a home. I have a husband. I have a stable job and am surrounded by supportive, nurturing people. I have a beautiful extended family. Someone else in the world is dreaming of these things and God has plopped them in my lap. So, when I get down, I think and pray for all those who want what I have. Now, I will also think of the line you said: choose the option that gives dignity to the gift I could never claim to deserve. Love that so much. Thank you!

Comment on Sueños by Catholic Mutt

Catholic Mutt — Fri, 03 May 2013 02:34:15 +0000

Love this post! I know that if things ever change for me, I won’t regret giving up some of the things in my life that I currently enjoy. But I also know that I’m glad for the experiences and will miss some of them if they do change.